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NIA'S BLOG

5 Lies Single Christian Women Believe

Upset woman holding broken heart and hammer on grey background. Failed relationship concept

Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. 32 And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” – John 8:31-32 (NKJV)

It’s really easy as a single to allow all the different viewpoints, Bible interpretations, and unofficial love gurus to put you into bondage. The bondage of too much information and not enough wisdom or discernment to rightly divide truth from opinion. So, this blog is to address some common myths I see and hear and hopefully set some of my single, Christian sisters free.

5 Lies Single Christian Women Believe:

#1 Your standards are too high – Most people’s excuse for not even attempting to abide by Godly standards in the area of relationships is that “No one does that”. But perhaps it seems like no one does that because less and less people are requiring it. God’s instructions for living were never based on whether or not anyone would choose to follow them, so your Godly standards in a mate shouldn’t be decided by that either. God wouldn’t give us standards that were impossible to live by, but we have to decide whether or not we’ll allow the Christ in us to make holiness possible. A potential mate will either rise to the standards you’ve set or choose to leave, and you have to love God and yourself enough to be ok either way.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. – Romans 12:2 (NKJV)

#2 Just complete steps 1, 2, and 3 and God will send your Boaz – Unfortunately, I’ve found that people are making this quest for marriage entirely too legalistic. We create checklists of what we need to do to “get a man” instead of focusing on the fact that we need to be better people whether God is sending a spouse or not. Godly things start to become just a check on a list as we try to prove to God that we’re ready for a husband. What if you do all the right things and years later you’re still single? Was it all in vain? Go to church, create a solid prayer life, study the Word, walk in purity, learn what it means to be a Godly woman, etc. but do it because you need to for your personal relationship with God and not because that’s what you have to do to get a husband.

These people draw near to Me with their mouth, and honor Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me. – Matthew 15:8 (NKJV)

#3 You’re single because you’re doing something wrong – I totally agree that some people need growth, healing, etc. before marriage but I don’t agree with focusing on a woman’s preparation for marriage so much that it becomes merely an achievement instead of the holy, purpose-filled union that it is. I’ve seen so many women feeling bad about themselves because they aren’t married yet. They see it as a goal, so not attaining it means they’ve failed. They think there’s something wrong with them and stress about what they need to fix in order for God to send their husband. But what if it’s not about what you need to fix? Maybe God wants you to experience some things before that time, or He needs your undivided attention to accomplish something right now. There are many other things God is doing in your life at any one single point in time in addition to preparing you for marriage. Never let your relationship status bring you to a place of condemnation.

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. – Romans 8:1 (NKJV)

#4 You need to wait for “the one” – My problem with the theory of “the one” is that it most often disregards the fact that you have a choice. Like this person is going to come that fits your entire list of ideals, perfectly packaged and ready to go and you won’t have any other choice but to pick them. People tend to grab a hold to the theory that there is just one person out there that God made specifically for them and then they perpetuate that thought pattern into a lifestyle of singleness in which they don’t have any responsibility in choosing a mate. Even if he sends a person that can be deemed as the one, its still your responsibility to recognize them. Love is a choice and ultimately “the one” is the person you choose to walk down the aisle with. There will always be options, perhaps one better than others, so pray for God to lead you in your decision-making more so than sitting back and waiting on the only person on Earth that God could possibly have for you.

Who is the man that fears the LordHim shall He teach in the way He chooses. – Psalm 25:12 (NKJV)

#5 Married is better than single – Marriage and singleness are often unfairly compared. Being single and being married are two completely different seasons in life and they each serve their own purpose. It is for this reason that we’re called to be content no matter what state we find ourselves in. Each season has it’s own beauty so don’t get caught up viewing one as better than the other. Life doesn’t begin when you get married, life is going on right now. Live out your singleness in such a way that marriage is a welcome addition to an already great life, instead of an avenue to save you from your misery.

Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content – Philippians 4:11 (NKJV)

Single ladies…Guard your heart against the multitude of advice out there, not all of it is spiritually sound. Make sure all of your single/dating ideologies line up with the Word of God, because the Truth is the only thing that can set you free.

Be encouraged,

Nia

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