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I Fell in Love with the Wrong Man…

In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. – 1 John 4:10 (NKJV)

I fell in love with the wrong man.

Not one man in particular, but A man.

I was in love with the idea of love. Romantic dates, belonging to someone, and being valued. All of my thoughts were consumed with my future with him. The courtship, the wedding, the babies…the love. I absolutely could not wait to finally meet this mystery man I knew the Lord was preparing just for me. Would we meet at church? Or through a mutual friend? What was he like? Will he have the qualities I asked God for? He wouldn’t be perfect but he would be perfect for me.

So I waited. But then waiting for this man became months and months became a year, then two and there was nothing. I prayed relentlessly about it. Prayed for me, prayed for him, prayed for us…and still nothing. I was growing impatient and questioning if God would ever send him. I considered lowering my standards, because maybe I was asking for too much. I second guessed myself and if I was doing the right thing in my life, and it was all because of this ‘man’.

I wanted attention, I wanted acceptance, I wanted what every girl wants right? So what was wrong with that? Well, the hard truth was that I had fallen in love with the wrong man. The man who certainly existed, but at the time he existed in my future, not my present. I put so much time and energy into preparing for the man of the future that I had forgotten about the man of my forever, Jesus.

Single ladies, the number one thing you can do to prepare for marriage is to love God. Married ladies, the number one thing you can do to have a great marriage is to love God. Not learn how to cook or keep a clean house (though those things are important) but to truly love God.

He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. – 1 John 4:8 (NKJV)

God is love. While you’re worried about the man who’s supposed to love you, can you really love him? If your relationship with God is a testament of your relationship with your spouse (either present or future), how genuine and passionate is it? How faithful are you? Learning how to love God with my whole heart shaped my love for myself and ultimately increased my ability to love others. I want to see all of my sisters and brothers in healthy, loving relationships but not at the expense of your relationship with the Lord. For what good would it be to gain the marriage that you dreamed of, yet be separated from Love itself?

I grew in love with God in my early 20’s and as I hit mid 20’s I can say that I am able to love with the right perspective. I don’t need validation or fulfillment from an outside source so the man in my life is able to come in and simply be who he is. Because let’s be honest…at the end of the day, no matter how bad you want that man to be your everything, he can’t be. As long as you hold that expectation you will be disappointed and any relationship built on that hope will crumble. He’s not a superhero who can swoop in and save the day, he’s a flawed man who needs the same grace that you do.

Be careful ladies, both single and married, not to fall in love with the wrong man. The one who exists in your dreams. The one you formed out of unrealistic expectations displayed on tv and social media. The one who will either cause you to miss out on a good thing that’s right in front of you, or settle for less because you’re too impatient to wait for him. The only one who will ALWAYS be the right man is Jesus.

Be Encouraged,

Nia

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